I wore this lace shirt a fair bit overseas. When my Singaporean auntie saw it, she was trés excited. The lace sleeves remind her of the kebaya, the traditional embroidered blouses that the Peranakan Nyonya ladies of Malaysia used to wear. I found mine in an opshop so its origins are unclear. The shirt is pretty special but I realized something when I was wearing it: just like me, it’s full of holes. Being a blogger, always having nice images of myself on show on social media, people may get the wrong impression: that I have it all together. In fact, I am far from that. I am very flawed.It’s only in the past couple of months that I overcame a seriously unhealthy obsession with sugar (actually it was with food in general), which had been secretly crippling many aspects of my life for years. My husband said that I was on the ‘see-food diet’ because every time I saw food, I had to eat it. As you can imagine, this trajectory was not ideal for a fashion blogger.I did everything in my power to try to curb my ridiculous appetite. I went running, cooked healthy meals, listened to health podcasts, even completed 3 online courses in nutrition. But whenever I was alone, I would inhale entire cakes, blocks of chocolate and tubs of ice cream, in single sittings. I became obsessed with eating. Food became my idol. And I couldn’t stop myself.
What does one do when they come to the end of themselves? Pray. I asked God for help me, to change me, to change my habits, taste buds, to have self control and to have the desire to eat healthier food. He intervened, and now I’m a new person.
“For by one sacrifice He has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.” My life may be full of holes, but there is a holy God who loves me and who is able to make my life whole, one ‘hole’ at a time.