Veterinarian, Blogger & Mother. Cecylia shares her musings on life and style in the same breath. She passionately believes that "every day is worth dressing up for."
I ask myself that question every day. I have missed you. So so so much. It’s been over 5 months since we last spoke. If my memory serves me correctly, back then, I actually made a renewed commitment to blogging, but not long after that, I fell off the proverbial bandwagon, so I guess I have some updating (and explaining) to do…
5 months ago, I was suddenly hit with a tidal wave of lethargy and nausea. It all started with a pot of rendang. Pregnancy and stirring lamb don’t agree, apparently. So for 2 weeks, I was glued to the couch and just looking at the blog made me nauseaus…
Feeling weary from my depleted energy levels and wary about how I was going to cope with the upcoming 3 months of intensive vet work, I desperately needed divine intervention. Thankfully, friends prayed for me and God intervened. He removed the pregnancy symptoms and supercharged me. I absolutely loved working as a vet at 4 different clinics 6 days a week. But that left little time to blog…
Then, I realized how little remaining time I have alone with Winston before MiniKee The Second comes. So as difficult as it was, I made the mandate to go on a blogging sabbatical, at least until MiniKee The Second arrives…although I wasn’t sure how I’d juggle a baby, a toddler, and a blog.
For the past couple of months, I have been asking God to show me whether or not to blog. Every day people sent through encouraging words telling me to keep going. I was also inspired by this verse, but something still held me back…
I never realized this until now, but for the past couple years since the abrupt closure of my boutique, I have had feelings of inadequacy, of not being good enough. All this time, I have been trying to suppress these feelings, mainly with chocolate therapy. But these niggling thoughts would always return, when least expected, and always uninvited.
A few months ago, I had this overwhelming feeling of being a failure, in every arena of life: as a wife (because sometimes I’m not loving enough), as a mother (because I still can’t get my son to sleep through the night), as a daughter (because I live so far from my parents), as a vet (because I chose fashion over becoming a specialist or owning a practice), as a blogger (because I have officially stopped blogging), even as a friend (because I couldn’t control my words)! I felt overwhelmingly inadequate, failed, and not good enough.
But then I read this verse from the Bible, that Jesus “loves us and has freed us from our sins by his blood, and has made us to be a kingdom and priests to serve his God and Father” (Revelations 1:5). This encouraging truth hit me between the eyes and shattered all those negative feelings and erroneous thoughts. If God sees me as His beloved- cleansed, worthy and set apart for Him, then who am I to be so down on myself?
I was truly set free.
So THAT’s why it has taken me so long to blog again. Guess despite my previous resolution to continue blogging, I still needed some healing and equipping. Thank you for your patience and encouragement. I’m so thrilled to be able to finally share with you, without inhibitions or excuses, pure fashion and faith!
Let the new chapter begin!
//Country Road Dress // Uterqüe Heels // Vintage Accessories//
Cecylia – you are amazing in all aspects of life. Don’t ever doubt your abilities! You juggle so many hats and do it with such grace. xx
Thank you for your encouragement Sonali. I think that sleep deprivation (and the resultant dietary discrepancies and hormonal imbalances) has been a big component to my mood swings :P I don’t doubt anymore thank you so much for your amazing friendship :D
Pleased to see you blogging again Cecylia! It can be tough trying to juggle everything, but you do a great job of it! You work so hard, you achieve a lot. It’s easy to be hard on ourselves, but like you said we are loved no matter what.
You and the bump are looking good too :)
Thanks Mica! I used to be a lot better at juggling, these days I’ve realised that ‘less is more’ especially when I’m hoping for more quality than quantity :) Indeed, we are more than conquerors in Christ, and we can do everything through Him who strengthens us!
Can’t agree more about what an outstanding women of many calibres you are CC! You look amazing and epitomise glamour being a mum and preggers. I think most of us go through a roller-coaster of emotions each day and sometimes to the extent of doubting ourselves over and over again but God is so gracious and good that He offers to pick us up, steer us back on track and encourage us to try again everytime. So continue doing what you best at your own pace CC and know that the joy of the Lord will always be your strength =)
Thank you so much Lisa, a lot of these negative thoughts may have been spiritual attacks but I thank God for removing them all with His Sword (ie His Word!), thank you for being so kind
Oh Darling Cecylia you are such a beautiful soul on this earth for so many reasons.
You have such a full life with so many responsibilities .That in its self can be overwhelming for any women. Please keep us entertained with your blog when you feel up to it….
Lynette XX
Thank you yeah I do wear many hats but even then, they used to not feel ‘enough’. Now I know that my worth is not in what I do (how much I earn, how much I work, etc) but in who I am. And my identity is not based on what the world thinks of me, but on what God thinks of me, as His precious child, set apart, for Him :)
I’ve had times of feeling like you’ve so well described, feeling inadequate in every aspect of your life, Perhaps everyone does, but not too many are as brave enough as you to share it. I no longer work as a vet, and I have a job that is just to pay the bills and it leaves me with the enough emotional energy left to love my friends and family more, I still feel a little sad that I don’t use those skills to help to our furry friends but mostly when I talk to my vet friends I’m reminded why I made that decision. X
Thank you so much for your open and genuine sharing. Serin you are a beautiful lady, I’ve always thought very highly of you, since first year uni! It was such a privilege to go to vet school with you. Working as a vet (animal GP) isn’t for everyone, I’m glad that you made the right choice for your needs – at the end of the day, your family and friends matter the most. I have found working less to be much more manageable and enjoyable!
I think you’re absolutely amazing CC!! =) Since becoming a mum, I often feel that sense of failure and inadequacy. You’re amazing and I’m glad you feel good again!
Congratulations on having number two on the way!!
Thank you so much WenYi we are stoked :). Yes I’ve heard from many moms how overwhelming motherhood is and how often moms feel like they’re ‘not good enough’. Guess we need to remember that although we are not perfect, we are and can be the BEST moms for our kids, for God has given us the privilege of motherhood and has given us our kids to nurture. I no longer feel inadequate because I know that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I’ll be sure to blog more about this too :)
Good to see you back on the blog lovely. Put up my first outfit post in over two months this week too… Wearing what I wore when we caught up :)
xxoo
thanks lovely, you helped me get back into the game :)