Just last week, I had an interesting conversation with a colleague about whether or not moms should work. This is a topic very close to my heart as I’ve struggled with it for over a year. It’s only recently I’ve come to really embrace and prioritize my role as a mom, and not feel the anguish or resentment for the missed opportunities of the past.
We talked about how sad it is that mothers are judged by their work schedules. Full-time moms are considered ‘lazy’ and working moms are labeled ‘irresponsible’. And in my colleagues’ case, she was frowned upon by the majority of stay-at-home moms in her mother’s group because she works… part time. Lol, we just can’t win?! It’s like we are our worst enemy!
Shouldn’t moms band together? We already have a pretty challenging gig, why add salt to the wound?
Vintage Everything // Equipment Shirt //Uterque Heels
Whether or not a mom should work is such a sensitive and multifaceted question. So many factors come into play. Every family is different. Every child is different. Every household budget is different. We really don’t have the right to judge.
After our heartwarming chat, we both admitted that we love spending time with our kids, and we both love our work (and enjoy a bit of ‘me-time’), hence why it is such a privilege to be able to work part time! We agreed that in some ways, it’s harder to be a stay-at-home mom than a working mom. Especially in this day and age where living expenses are high and women are expected to ‘do it all’, which is so unfair and unrealistic.
So whether or not you are a stay-at-home-mom, a working mom or a combination of the two, or an expecting mom, let me applaud you. You are doing the toughest job on the planet and you should be celebrated!
Love your last paragraph Cecylia, you nailed it there! Whatever a mum is doing, if she even thinks for one moment a day that she worries if she is doing the right thing, she’s probably doing exactly the right thing!
I know I had my ideas of what motherhood would be like and I have had many moments where I’ve found myself doing things I was sure I would never do. So when I see someone else doing something you ‘shouldn’t’ do then I just smile to myself and think of all the times I’ve done something like that. Whenever another mum tells me or shows me what she is doing, no matter how different it is from what I’m doing or what I ‘expect’, I make sure to support her. Because, as you said, we are all just being mums and we are doing a great job, whatever that looks like!
I’ve been a mum for 20 years and what I’ve love to see is women stopping judgement of other women. Make a choice re work/being home and be happy with it because it suits you RIGHT NOW. Honour that those feelings may change (or not) and go with it because it’s what you want to do – not because of expectations about what you should be doing.
I’m all for families doing whatever works for them. There’s endless ways to raise a family, and snootyness from the Mum Club helps no one.
My mum worked part time, she had to for money but she also wanted to.
Work is more than about money, it’s about being a member of society, it’s about staying connected and it’s about doing something you love or achieving something else outside of family.
I plan to continue working, albeit part time, if I have a child. I’m a business owner so I won’t have much choice. But I want to do it, for the same reasons I mentioned above.
But everyone is different. Work, don’t work. Whatever makes you and your family happy or function at its best.
You look fantastic dear! :)
Isa M., Tic Tac Living
What a brilliant post.. You hear hear to many people with opinions and like you said it’s up to the individual!
I will email you as mentioned would love to catch up and have a coffee and hear about your journey.
x Kirsty
Hear, hear Cecylia. And for the other great comments here. The last thing that mothers need is judgment from other women/mothers, and it all starts with each woman, not doing it to her fellow woman. Judgment is good for discipline and keeping things in check sure, but when the judgment itself is ill-informed, indulgent and unchecked then it’s wrong. Best to keep it at a minimum, I say! Judge not lest ye be judged :) I’m so happy for you that you are at peace with your decision, that’s the main thing hun. Stay at home mums can also do so much as a member of society esp. through social media these days, participating, volunteering, staying connected with others – they just don’t get paid for it that’s all. But that’s also fine. You look gorgeous btw. Be well, and blessings! :)